


Maybe

by elizathehumancarrot



Series: Anything You Want [4]
Category: Spies Are Forever - Talkfine/Tin Can Brothers
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 04:08:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19985842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elizathehumancarrot/pseuds/elizathehumancarrot
Summary: A mission goes awry. Some people have to die.Curt doesn't like that.





	Maybe

**Author's Note:**

> I worked pretty hard on this. Be gentle in your criticisms.
> 
> Warning: Description of killing.

Curt felt the lump in his throat grow. He curled up in Owen’s arms, his boyfriend pressed up against him from behind. It was late, darkness filling the room, with only a sliver of light from the window cutting through the night. Curt shuddered, the memory of the latest mission haunting him.

_**One, two, three.** Curt could almost feel the blood on his hands, quickly turning away from the three bodies lying on the floor. The guards had ambushed him, surprising him. He had no choice, couldn’t handle them all at once. Had to shoot them. His stomach twisted itself into a knot, guilt almost overpowering him. Three lives, gone because of his carelessness. And they wouldn't be the last ones._

_**Four, five, six.** He fired, again and again. Curt watched the next few men collapse. He swallowed, sickened by his own display of ruthlessness. Curt The pounding in his head only got louder and louder, but he couldn’t stop, couldn’t risk letting Cynthia down because he couldn’t keep it together. He had to keep going. _

_Curt reloaded his gun._

_**Seven, eight, nine.** Curt couldn’t do this anymore, couldn’t keep going, keep firing, keep ending people, families, lives. He wondered, just for a split second, what it’d be like to just give up- stop all the killing and fighting, and just let the enemy take him. Curt let his mind wander for just a second too long, nearly getting shot. He pulled himself back, knowing that if he stopped now, it wouldn’t just be him in danger, it’d be Owen, too. There were only a few attackers left. He could do it._

_**Ten, eleven, twelve.** Curt holstered his gun, finally letting his shoulders sag. There were no more guards to defend against, no more to kill. He stared at the corpses- they were surrounding him, blaming him. He wanted to tell them, tell them he didn’t want to do it, tell them he didn’t have a choice, tell them he was _sorry _, but it was too late. He had to be better next time._

“Curt, love?” Owen’s voice snapped him out of the past. He was still wrapped in Owen’s arms, warm under the blankets of their hotel bed. “Are you okay?” Curt bit his lip. He couldn’t, shouldn’t bother Owen, they’d both had a hard day. He’d be fine on his own.

“Yeah, yeah. Go back to sleep.” Curt felt Owen squeeze him a little bit tighter, and he relaxed a little.

“You were shaking.” Owen said into Curt’s back. “I was worried.” Curt closed his eyes again, feeling tears gather behind his eyelids. Owen gently kissed the back of Curt’s neck. “Is this about the mission?” Curt felt a tear roll down his cheek, still disgusted with himself.

“Twelve people.” Curt’s voice broke, a sniffle escaping him. “Twelve people died, because I wasn’t fast enough, couldn’t take them down before they got to us. Got to you.” Curt wiped the tears off his face. “I killed them.” Owen took Curt’s hand, still holding him from behind. He squeezed Curt’s hand gently. 

“You didn’t have a choice. It was us or them, and you know that.” Curt squeezed back, taking a deep breath.

“But I did, if I’d just- done better, worked harder. Been as good as you are.” Curt mumbled, staring at their joint hands. Owen frowned at the words, turning Curt around to face him. 

“Listen to me, Curt, for once, damnit.” That got a little chuckle out of Curt, “All the guards ran at you, not me, you self-sacrificing lovable idiot. If they’d run at me, I think I’d have done a lot worse than you did. So you can shut your unbelievably attractive mouth, and we can cuddle.” Curt looked like he was about to say something, but thought better of it, and just let Owen spoon him again.

“Love you,” Curt said quietly, his voice still loud in the silent room. Owen laid his head against Curt’s back. 

“I love you too. Wake me up if something like this happens again, okay, love?” Curt wrapped his hands around Owen’s arms, basking in the warmth. 

“Okay.” It was quiet for a little bit, and Owen had started to drift off again before Curt spoke again. “Owen, do you think I’m a bad person?” Owen rubbed the back of Curt’s hand with his thumb, comforting him.

“I could never.” Curt relaxed, relieved at the answer. He let his eyes fall shut, giving in to his exhaustion.

“Okay.” This time, the word was so soft it was almost a whisper. “Goodnight.”

Owen closed his eyes, too. “Sweet dreams, my love.”

The two of them stayed like that until the bright light of the morning sun shone through the curtains, their memories of the day before now faded. They would never be gone, or course, but with each other, maybe, just maybe they could make it through.

**Author's Note:**

> So! How'd you like it? Feel free to tell me if you loved or hated it :) Please leave a kudos, it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside :)
> 
> Have a good day <3


End file.
